I have been told many times that I am real. It is not a very glamorous description but it is accurate I suppose. I do not know how to put on a facade and pretend to be someone I am not. Do not get me wrong, I have wanted to be someone else and maybe at times tried to be someone I was not but I could not pull it off and realized it was fruitless to try. Besides there is not joy or peace it that.
This fact about myself has brought me to a dependence on God to change me. I cannot change myself although I have looked into the mirror of my soul at times and hated my own biases and prejudice. To deny that they are there is a lie. i cannot lie about myself. I simply must rely on the Lord to change me from glory to glory and keep returning my fragile vessel to the potter’s wheel for another reshaping and molding. Hoping one day to be a what He has created me to be without all the flaws that I have marked myself with.
Being here at IHOP is sometimes like having a constant spotlight on the barrenness of my own attitudes and predetermined opinions. I have been told by several people that I am the least judgmental Christian they know, but the truth is He (Holy Spirit) has exposed more prejudice in me in the past two years than I like to admit.
As we as a family are embarking on new horizons and discoveries. I keep praying for renewed sense of humility and laying myself open before the eyes of the Holy Spirit. It seems easier sometimes to keep my eyes on all the things that I need fixed. I also constantly need reminded that I am a delight to the father. Why is it that it is easier to believe His love for others but not walk i the empowering of His love for us?
Walk with me on this journey Lord and keep my eyes like doves eyes; fixed on truth. Keep the plumbline before me that I would not look to what others say or do but to be faithful to Your heart and Your truth.